the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
