My liver just broke up with me...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
