I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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