i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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