That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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