I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
