Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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