Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
