its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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