Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
