i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize