I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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