Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have demons in me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
