i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
