i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The ass gains better be worth it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
