take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
