well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
