i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
