we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize