Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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