The maid of honor just puked.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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