This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
