I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the raccoons are back...
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