actually, I'm a sock model
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
