She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
