His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize