We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We are all done wearing pants today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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