Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
