i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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