Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
