I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
