shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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