You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
