He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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