The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
