i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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