Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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