smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will be naked everywhere
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
