I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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