he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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