I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
