We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
