Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
