please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
