Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
