I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
