Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
