You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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