One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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