toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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