my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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