Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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