I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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