Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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