why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
