Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
