how can u be prego again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
