Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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