Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
