I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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