i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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