Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
