we have officially lost it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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