He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
