he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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