a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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