i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
