Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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