it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need water and some morals
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
