No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
