best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
