So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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