Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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