My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
