You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
