This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize